ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
