Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
