I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
