If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
