When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
