my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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