The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I hope mine doesn't look like that
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
