can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
