she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
