i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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