sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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