At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
