I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Im part way to drunk.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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