Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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