why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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