There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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