My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
