Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
