The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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