life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
