I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
It was confusing and full of hummus
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
