He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I have tasted many bathrooms
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
