she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
