Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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