Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
tell me about the eggs
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
