Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
