well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I checked into jail on foursquare
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
