i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
