guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize