I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
