Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
