she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
you inspire me to be a worse person
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Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
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Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize