Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
