I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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