I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
