Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
