I want to stick my p in your. b.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
