mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
