that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Randomize
