I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
