idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
