This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
