there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i would punch a child for taco bell
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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