Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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