That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
