you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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