I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
