I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
