is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
