Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
