90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
