you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
