I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
