my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
