AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
