I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
