How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
