well I can't set my house on fire every night
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
