i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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