oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Randomize
