the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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