I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
