I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
