Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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