I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
