You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You ate ashes out of my bong
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
