just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
