isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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