just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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