She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
