he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Randomize
