just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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